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It gets harder each year, it seems. For many people gift-giving has become a kind of race, a contest to see who spends the most, who finds that “perfect” object, and thus, by extension, who cares the most. At holidays and birthdays, these competitions are played out between siblings, between children and parents, between friend and lovers.

While this is not the worse kind of competition, a measure of perspective always helps.

Why We Give

Gift-giving is, at root, the awarding of something without (explicit) expectation of return. Economists have identified whole societies based on gift-giving, where status is earned not through the accumulation of goods, but by how much one gives. To the credit of many people these days, we seem to be slowly turning our networks of friends, business associates, and families into something approximating gift-giving economies.

Yet the give-and-take associated with this effort can often leave us exhausted. Around the holidays finding ideas for gifts, then acquiring them, often seems like a fulltime job. The impulse to outdo ourselves and the people we love, can occasionally feel like a burden, rather than the happy expression of love, friendship, or respect it should be.

Thus the need for perspective.

Giving gifts is, above all, a moral activity. This is an idea fundamental to modern anthropology, introduced by the famous French researcher Marcel-Israel Mauss, who explained each role in the process.

By giving a gift, one demonstrates generosity, a lack of greed, and proves himself worthy of respect. By receiving a gift gracefully, one respects the giver and shows oneself to be large of heart. By reciprocating, one shows himself to be able to meet his obligations and as moral as the giver. A bond forms in the exchange.

Three Aspects of Value

The price of the gift is unimportant, though some people (such as diamond sellers) and entities (such as department stores) may disagree. The value of the gift lies instead in one of the following factors:

• Utility: This is important if you’re buying something a person needs (such as a vacuum cleaner or a pair of socks). These are the easiest gifts, generally, to give. Your only task is to pay attention to what the recipient says and does. The function of the Internet that’s useful here is its amazing power to compare prices. Simply type in the name or model you wish into a site like shopzilla.com or Yahoo! Shopping, and bingo, you’ll get a price-sorted comparison of most Internet vendors.

• Suitability: The value of this gift is in the extent to which it matches some element of the recipient’s taste. The charm lies in your consideration of who the recipient is. For example, if you’re aware she loves butterflies, pendants, and the color purple, you might choose a…yes, you guessed it, a purple butterfly pendant for a necklace or bracelet. This is a fairly simple, but important, idea. Here the Internet is useful for its search capabilities. Finding a reasonably priced purple butterfly pendent is as easy as plugging “purple” “butterfly” and “pendant” into a search engine like Google and then simply comparing prices and items found.

• Uniqueness: For many situations the value of a gift will lie in its uniqueness, especially those where you’re giving a gift to someone you don’t know all that well, or, conversely, someone you’ve been giving gifts to for a long time (thus giving you the feeling you’ve exhausted the “useful” and “suitable” categories). The aspect of the Internet most helpful here is the browse capabilities of a compiling site such as Neatgift.com, where someone’s already gone out and found a vast array of beautiful and unique gifts and categorized them by occasion, the demographic of the recipient, and your relationship to them.

The key to finding great gift ideas on the Internet lies in first deciding what basic category of gift you’re after--something primarily useful, suitable, or unique--and then hunting on the Internet. For useful things, you’ll focus on price. For suitable things, you’ll focus on a set of characteristics. For unique things, you’ll sort through the vast riches of the Internet with the help of some expert Web editors.

Shopping Without Borders Of course, these categories often bleed together: one gift can have elements of all three. This is just a simple way of tackling the thorny “I can’t think of anything to get x (recipient) for y (occasion) problem. Choosing a specific angle from which to attack the gift issue gives you an easy entry into the searching process--as opposed to “just looking around,” a strategy that in its broadness can be maddening.

The great strength of the Internet is that it puts the market of the entire world at your fingertips. Crafts made in Madagascar or Machu Picchu, New Guinea or Nauru, are thus available for sale and delivery. Where once these gifts were the sole domain of the adventurer or world traveler, you can now pick out a hand woven doll or a piece of fine Venetian glass without ever leaving your house.

Finally, the price benefits here are enormous. With all these people all over the world anxious to sell their goods, the deals to be had on truly amazing merchandise are unprecedented. Twenty dollars goes a lot further on the Internet than it ever did in the world of bricks and mortars.

So rejoice. Instead of being limited to trading the same old stuff from the mall or department store, you now have a world of high-value, low-cost gifts with which to bond (and keep up) with your loved ones. Who knew a “moral activity” could be so much fun?

The author, Dilan Blue is a former National Merit Scholar and creative writer for http://www.NeatGift.com - a great resource of unique gift ideas for a birthday, wedding, baby shower or any holiday that has you at a loss for creative ideas.


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